4 or quick chat about quick jobs
Phonzo has never been on time.
You could be there, at the prearranged appointment place, half an hour earlier, never at the actual time. Usually, if not always, you’re just late.
And so you were, late, for meeting Luchino. You should’ve been outside the pub around 83 minutes earlier, like Luchino was, but you didn’t make it. And now, even Luchino was not there.
You called and texted him many times. No answer. For a long while. Then, he just came out of nowhere, looking somewhere in between Billy and Elliot, but badly aged and with a talent for shade.
“Hiii, Phò! You’re more than an hour late”.
“Well, now, you’re late too”.
“I’ve been here for almost an hour. I was bored to death”.
“And where did you go?”
“I asked a lighter to a guy and he started flirting with me”.
“So I went with him to his flat and gave him a blowjob”.
“He was hot. And he was one of those I’m straight, but I like being blowjobbed by men kind of guy. You know they’re my favourites”.
“No, actually, I don’t”.
“Well, sweetheart, you need to be updated”.
“About the dildos in your bedside table?”
“OHMYGOD!!! Have you seen them? Aren’t they beautiful?”
“I’ll show you more once home”.
“Can’t wait for it”.
You truly couldn’t. Despite everything, you’ve always been a curious person.
“Anyway, shall we go inside?”
“After you, darling”.
“Shouldn’t be ladies first?”
“I don’t know if this joke is poorer than lower or vice versa… “
“I, for sure, can’t keep the door open forever, can I?”
And so you walked in. Luchino had an exchange of sexy glances with the bartender while you were looking for a tab, which is how Celts call tables as you will find out. You found a free bigger one to share. Luchino went to grab a couple of beers. Then, he walked back, smiling, and threw a piece of paper to you.
“It’s a number of what?”
“A phone number”.
“Whose phone number?”
“The bartender? Duuuh?”
“You got the bartender’s phone number? While you were getting beers?”.
“Well, he gave it to me”.
“How can you do that?”
“Why? You think he’s ugly?”
“No, I mean… walking into a bar and getting the phone number of the guy who’s pouring your beers”.
“It’s London, sweet baby”.
“So you think I would be able to do it as well?”
“Sure. Even if… are you still into women?”
“Of course I am”.
“What the fuck do you complain about then?”
“I’m not complaining”.
“Women are boring, darling. It’s never too late to switch side”.
“How can you do it anyway? Is it because of… what?”
“Well, men are constantly horny and looking for fuckable partners. So, if you’re a smart man who’s into fucking other men, you’ll get the easiest fucks in your life, my dear”.
“No, I meant, how can YOU do that”.
“What do you mean? We’re in London. Nobody cares about who you are and what you do.”
You will then realise that they actually care in a somewhat twisted way.
“Plus, you got the apps”.
“Shagging apps. Like Bender”.
“Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of that from friends using it in the Boot. They fuck a lot apparently”.
“Well, download it. What you waiting for? You’ll smash it!”
You actually will not.
“Trust me. Anyway, we got others like Rowrrr”.
“And is it the same, just for samesexual?”
“Kind of. But it shows the people closest to you. And you can text anyone, no matter what. So, people just start a chat and send stuff like this“.
“Is that a… cock?”
“Never seen one?”
“Well, I mean, he just sent you a photo of his penis without telling you anything?”
“Like what? Hey, wanna see my cock?”
“Like, I don’t know, ehi, what’s up?”
Luchino stared in surprise.
“You probably will be the only one touching your handsome body”.
“It’s clearly an attitude issue”.
“Time is the only cure”.
“Are you saying…”
“And now it’s time for a new pint! Your time to pay too. Choose for me. If I like it, we’ll keep on watching my chats on Rowrrr”.
“I think I gotta tell you to fuck off before going”.
“I love you too, gummybear”.
And so you went. And the nectar you chose for Luchino was of the right kind. Therefore, you went through the chats looking for unrequested (though much appreciated as Luchino clarified) photos of good-sized penis, weird-shaped penis, poor-talented penis, asses of any kind, mostly stretched out for better zoom ins, and ugly faces.
You went on till the bell tolled, announcing the closing time of the public house was nigh. Then, you slowly walked home, drunkly went up the stairs and happily fell asleep.
There was going to be an early morning alarm for you the next day. The app had to wait, The Establishment was hungry and in need to be satiated.